Change

The sweetest moment is also the worst. The moment that I dread most. The moment when I am most ashamed. It is also the moment when the sensation of being alive thrills me the most. When I become more than just an ordinary being.

It is the moment of revealing, of removing the veil, of taking off that which covers. It is when I become naked.

When you order me to take down my knickers and I obey you I cross a boundary, I become something different. You say it causally, 'take down your knickers!' It is nothing to you, something fun, something you can say, just like that, an order to remove a piece of clothing. It is nothing to you.

For me it is a sacred moment although calling it sacred is almost blasphemy, calling it good and noble. It is not noble. It is when I become naked and bared and prepared for your whip, your hand or paddle or whatever is your choice. It is when I am bared for my...punishment, even if it is not a punishment, no wrong being done.

Slipping my knickers down from my hips, letting them caress my skin, sensing them touch me as I move them down and away from my bottom, the part of my body you will whip, you will punish. I become yours. I am ashamed. I dread it but I also want it. I feel...sexy. That is a blessing. I am in the centre, the one to watch. That is a blessing. And a curse.

I become more naked, shamelessly naked, baring my poor, soft and vulnerable bottom, baring it for your punishment, your cruelty. There is pleasure in being shameless. And a blessing that it is a punishment. It is not I who bare myself. No, it is you who bare me, you who shame me. I am just being...punished...or used.

The thrill of the shame and the freedom of being sensual, sexy. That is what lies in the taking down of knickers. And the freedom of not being in charge. The pleasure of being watched and not having a choice. Knowing that I would never be this shameless if it wasn't a punishment.

Being watched. Knowing that someone is watching. You are watching. And perhaps someone else. As when you choose to show me off in front of your friends. When you want to show them your power over me. The power I embrace and let you have. Then I become naked before their eyes. They are allowed to see my shame. And they are allowed to enjoy it. After all, it is my punishment. And I have no responsibility. I am free. Free to enjoy it. I am just being punished.