I am back. Hope you have had a nice time while I was away. It is a strange experience coming back from a holiday like this. I am not at all in the mood for everyday life. This will be a short blog post. Anyway, I am glad to be back.
I read a book while on holiday. It's called Sexual Deviation by Anthony Storr and was published in 1964. Kind of interesting to read about the view on those things, 45 years ago.
It is so easy to be superior and laugh at a book like that. Homosexuality is a deviation and is analysed, the author trying to find the reasons for it. I assume you agree with me when I am thinking that the question is the wrong one. Considering the behaviour of our closest relatives, the Bonobos, the question should not be, 'why are some homosexual?' but rather 'why are so many exclusively hetero- and homosexual?'
There was an interesting part about Sadism and Masochism. Thing is with this book that although it was very old fashioned and PC for that time, some of the observations are interesting. There is this thought that being a Masochist you long for being a child again, when you were cared for and had no power over what happened to you. This rings true to some extent.
I know there is a reluctance about explaining or discussing reasons for various kinks within the 'community'. I think that is a little short sighted. I know analysing the reasons, may open up for the thought that there is something wrong with enjoying spanking or being submissive, but not doing it, is burying your head in the sand. I think there are reasons for the way we behave but that doesn't mean it has to be wrong and should be explained away.
I think, at least for me, there is a kind of truth in the idea that being submissive is, partly, longing for being as helpless as a child. Enough analysis now, just wanted to say that although that book was prejudiced and old fashioned I couldn't just dismiss it.
Maybe that is the reason why, in fantasies, the longing for submission is total, maybe that is the reason why I, sometimes, have this desire for being completely and utterly submitted and even degraded and humiliated. Maybe they are signs of that utter helplessness you may experience as a child, a vulnerability that isn't a bad thing, but something you enjoy. Are you with me, still?
When it comes to blogging and writing I feel more and more that I am not so interested in writing yet another spanking story. I have lost my heart for it, at least for the moment. When it comes to fantasies and kink, I feel that I am drawn to more darker sides. And having written that, I become uncertain, because there are lots of more romantic stories in my head too and some about more subtle things.
Anyway, we'll see what will happen. I am a little disappointed, though, that no one commented on the picture in the last post. I think it is very nice. There is a kind of everyday sense to it, just an ordinary person lowering their trousers feeling the touch of a stick, waiting to be whipped. Something about that lack of glamour and stylishness that appeals to me.
Aloha!
ReplyDeleteI'll start the ball rolling -- I suspect there are two main reasons people are not introspective re their kink: (1) most people are not (alas) skilled at introspection, which requires a certain detachment, not to mention sustained effort. The second is, as you say, that we may be afraid of what we will find out about ourselves -- that we are driven by what many would see as less-than-admirable motives or wishes. Also, some (incurious) folk do not want to understand the rainbow, much less the spectrum of human sexuality. That is a kind of fear, too -- Norman Mailer was unwilling to "explore his feminine side" because he feared it would take the edge off of his testosterone-driven prose.
If you've read this far, thanks!
Regards,
Wystan E
Janice, it's great that you are back.
ReplyDeleteI suspect I know what makes me the way I am.
I had very little control over what happened to me as a child.
So while the need to control isn't nearly as strong as it was, it's still there.
As Wystan says human sexuality is a rainbow, I have always been fascinated by rainbows, especially this one.
I love this, "We are bound together, not by blood, but by what heats it. That is fellowship indeed."
So very true.
Once again welcome back.
Love and warm hugs,
Paul.
Welcome back, dear Janice.
ReplyDeleteSometimes those old books are interesting for the very reasons you mentioned. When I read these sorts I usually have two main reactions. 1) Because they are outdated I tend to scoff a little and marvel at how far we have come and 2) realise that some things remain true no matter how much time passes.
You know that whatever you write there are those of us that will always read.
Hugs
Mina
Please rest assured, I came back to the site to look at that picture often! There is something so matter-of-fact about it. It touched some sort of fearful longing inside me. That moment, that perfect, untouched skin, before the cane strikes, before the pain streaks through her, before the red stripe appears...a moment suspended in time....
ReplyDeleteMy favorite picture you have posted so far!
Welcome back Janice. Yes I did like the picture too but its hard to articulate the rainbow of emotions that such a picture evokes. They are a swirling mass of emotions, carnality, guilt, fear, old memories, lust, fear, aphrension, intellectual curiousity, sadness for the toll of time, the list goes on and on.
ReplyDeleteThe dark side is even more evocative. High tension between creative exploration and sheer terror. Some writers are amzingly creative. Let it rip Janice, and see what happens. Has anyone else read Viki's stories in Necrobabes?
Welcome back Janice, it's allway a pleasure to read a new post from you.
ReplyDelete"La vérité d'un jour n'est pas celle du lendemain"
"The day truth is not the one of the next day"
Old French saying. :-)
Idho.
Dear Janice,
ReplyDeleteWelcome back: I’ve missed you.
I read Storr’s book not long after it was published and remember how cutting edge it seemed at the time.
About reflecting on one’s sexual desires. As you know, I’m amongst those who have been unwilling to do so. This might be because of fear (see Manorlord’s comment), but at least part of my reluctance relates to the point you raised about Bonobos. We no longer think of homosexuality as a deviance that has to be explained and I have never seen why people into D/s have any more need to explain their desires than people who aren’t. Nature knows difference, but not deviance which is a human construct. This is not, of course, any sort of argument against self-reflection. Whatever our sexuality, we should all do more of that and, with your encouragement, I am now making an effort. This is despite feeling that I would be much happier in my efforts if I felt under no more pressure to self-analyse than people who have what they no doubt consider to be ‘normal’ sexual desires.
I look forward to whatever you decide to write, whether your subject matter is dark, romantic or subtle (or maybe a mixture of all three?).
Hugs,
Michael
Welcome back, Janice.
ReplyDeleteI second the other commentators.
Basically its fear within aculture to express freely the kinks.
It takes courage to liberate this.
Great to see you back,
Alan
I am pondering Michael's comment that "we" are under more pressure to self-reflect than others. If, as Socrates said (but you knew that already) the unexamined life is not worth living, then this added motivation to introspect can only be good for us. I take great pleasure in examining various aspects of what makes me me -- ethnicity, family history, hang-ups and passions (sexual or not) and opinions (including my blind spots). Mental housekeeping is difficult, but gratifying.
ReplyDeleteRegards,
Wystan E
Whether or not Plato quoted Socrates correctly, I have no idea whether or not an unexamined life is or is not worth living. But my guess is that all lives have worth, and that those of us who spend a lot of time on introspection should be doing so for fun rather than because we hope to find out why we are what we are.
ReplyDeleteMichael
Dear Wystan E, I think you may be right. Fear or not, in my case, I have had no choice, it is a matter or survival.
ReplyDeleteDear Paul, what you say makes me curious. It sounds as if being small and helpless was a negative experience for you. Do you think that is crucial, our memory of being children? I mean, for the way we handle these things.
Dear Mina, that was exactly how I felt, both those things.
Dear Joanna, blimey! Thanks for telling me. I think you capture it well in your comment...smiles.
Dear George, thank you for your encouragement. Blogging has made me braver, we'll see what I will write about next.
Dear Idho, those words are very true. It is easy to forget, though.
Dear Michael, I suppose we don't have to reflect but some of us have to. Times change and so does our view of what is 'natural' and what is not, but at the end of the day, you sit there with your own sense of happiness, satisfaction, guilt or embarrassment. That is what I want to capture. Sorry for being cryptic.
Dear Alan, to some extent, I agree. But all societies in all times have had boundaries for what is acceptable and what is not, that is natural too.
It is great to see Wystan E and Michael debate this issue. I am not so sure the unexamined life is not worth living, but as I said earlier, sometimes it is not a choice we have.
Hugs
Janice
Very interesting discussion.
ReplyDeleteAlso, in light of what we were talking about previously, Janice, about bonobos ...
Just one thing I might add to the discussion? That maybe it's not as simple as explaining our fears and desires away as products of our childhood experiences, because otherwise why do two individuals react to the same experiences in different ways ...? Obviously, I guess ...
And also, Janice, I looked closely at that picture several times too - mostly because the surroundings interested me - I noticed that it looks as if she/they are in a suburban backyard ...? I thought it was a different setting than could be presumed ... I liked considering this ... so thank you for this image too!