Don't worry, it is not as bad as it sounds. I talked with a friend about this the other day and many people who start blogging seem to feel this at times. It is a great undertaking and it is not always easy to know what to put on the blog. You often start blogging – at least I did – because there is something you want to talk about or there is a story to tell or just to communicate.
I wanted to talk about my fantasies, full stop. I wanted to tell others about my fantasies hoping that I would find that I wasn't alone with them and that I wasn't the weird person I always thought I was. So, communicating was the reason for blogging on my behalf. I have found that my blog has become a forum for my writings. And there is nothing wrong with that. I love writing. It is something magical about writing. It empowers me and it changes me. It is a kind of therapy really, a kind of controlled madness that opens my eyes to things that roams in my mind.
It is all very self centred. I have never pretended it is anything else. Your comments really help me see things in my writing and myself that I don't always see. I never just dismiss an analysis. At least I hope I have never done that. I don't even delete comments. Unless they are commercial. Comments that are there to sell something are mercilessly deleted. I have come close with one or two other comments, for example, when I was accused of having grammar errors that weren't errors but I let it be. But on the whole, I am open to interpretations. I like them. I want to know what you think, what you see and what something I write makes you think of. So thank you all for all your comments.
But sometimes the mind just wanders and I am too busy with the other life, the ordinary, normal one, the one I don't talk about here. I don't know what to write about and the stories I have in my head are only half written. Then I feel a little of that blogging fatigue I mentioned earlier.
Sometimes I think I have fallen too much in love with the writing and I feel compelled to always have a story for the blog. That was never what I wanted. Nowadays I find I care too much about the quality of my stories. I have become a little vain and want them to be well written and interesting. I think I manage that from time to time but I know some of them are not so very brilliant. I think that is good, I think I want it that way. I want to put even the silly ones, the stranger ones and the badly written ones on the blog because this was never meant to be a story blog. It is a fantasy blog. This is about fantasies.
And I would very much like to talk to you about fantasies. Maybe I should post a question or a thought on the blog and see if you want to comment or discuss it? Maybe some of you who read but don't comment may have something to add. I have no problems with, so called, 'lurkers'. I think it is absolutely fine that you come here and just read. I gather there are some of you out there because the number of people who comments is smaller than the number of visitors per day and all of the hits can't be Web crawlers and Web agents.
So, thank you for reading, and being so immensely supportive. It means the world to me and I am not done with blogging yet, although I don't always know what to put here. My head is still full of strange and not so strange ideas.