Tuesday, 19 January 2010


From time to time someone emails me regarding the blog, something they have read on it or just generally. Most people say really nice things, it seems as if something I have written really has struck a chord, they have connected to something on the blog. Believe me, few things make me happier. What more can you ask for? You write something you like to write and it turns out that someone recognises themselves in it or are really moved by it. That's the best reward, really.

Some of those seem very keen on communicating with me and I am likewise happy doing that. But then something happens. Often, but not always, they lose interest. It is as if the enthusiasm wears off and I am left with unanswered emails. Don't get me wrong, I don't think anyone writing to me has to commit to a life long cyber friendship. That's not what I meant, these things come and go, that's in their nature. Still I wonder why that happens, why do they stop, why do they just disappear, without a word?

Maybe it is the nature of cyber space, I don't know. But I can't help thinking that it is because I am not what they expected and that they are disappointed when they find that instead of this mysterious, free thinking, bold and sensual person they find a rather boring, dry academic kind of person, someone who is quite prudish and not keen on adventures.

I am like a horror writer who doesn't believe in ghosts (quite common, I believe). I don't believe in uneven relationships and arrogant, authoritarian people really put me off. Power fascinates me and power exchange and uneven distribution of power is interesting, even exciting. But the real me will just walk away from someone who is too arrogant.

Don't get me wrong here. I have nothing against people who want to live in spanking relationships or BDSM-relationships and who are happy submitting to or dominating one another. It is just that it isn't for me. The very reason I dare indulging myself in my fantasies is that I live in a very equal relationship, a relationship where we depend on each other and support each other in equal measures.

Those of you who care to dig deeper may have seen those themes in my stories, that there is a lot about dependence and vulnerability and how to try to accept that this is a part of life and that you may submit to that, open yourself up and try to trust rather than protect yourself.

And I don't pretend to sit here with the key to what my stories are about. They are about so many things and not all of them in perfect harmony. There is a bit of repressed emotions and desires and ambiguity when faced with arrogance. But that is how we are, a mix of thoughts and emotions.

Enough of this rant. I am in so many minds when it comes to the blog. I know it is ok when I write stories but I am not so sure when I rant or just analyse a picture or something similar. I often think that I shouldn't write about me here, that my stories are far more interesting than what I think about them. Believe me, they are.


Paul said...

Janice, sadly, your last paragraph is a 100% wrong, yes WRONG, gasp I've contradicted the writer, "off with his head".
You are far too unassuming, the author is the well stream of all she produces.
So perhaps, just perhaps, the reader/observer sees more of the game.
Love and warm hugs,

TFP said...

I like this...

Alan said...


these coming and goiing...it seems natural. Like the tides. There are so much resonances.

For me real life is essential. Not in the sense of specific realization of strange imagination.

However in the sense of growth.

And good conversations will never end. Maybe in silence, smiling, asking questions, mutual listening, opening up or inviting each other to play.

Allowing the flow of ideas, emotions, imagination and evrything else. In presence .

I am sure its a huge open space which can be entered and left at any moment. Our deepest interests and passion, curiosity and desire, thoughts and musings always will create open doors.

Have a great and exciting 2010! Enjoy the moment,


teachertalk said...

Aweeeee well heres an old friend who addmitedly has neglected you of recent months. I have sarted a blog of my own and have been involved in anoher site. You knew me as carin_dom. We shall have to re-establish contact. My arms are always open and ready to give you hug as they ever were.

Janice said...

Dear Paul, I would never chop off a lovely head like yours. I do hear what you say and I will take it to heart. I do appreciate and agree with the thought that reader may see things the writer can't. I am just trying to avoid a straightforward interpretation of what I write.

Dear TFP, thank you...smiles.

Dear Alan, if I ever enjoy the moment, it is when I am writing. Thank you for your words.

Dear Teachertalk, I havn't forgotten you...smiles. Welcome back.