Just a short blogpost about politeness. I do appreciate politeness, I really do. I see on some forums and blogs how people take any opportunity to be rude and seem to look for anything they can misconstrue as something they don't like. I don't understand this and I get a little upset when I am being attacked for trying to talk about something nicely.
My point with this post is to say that this never happens here. You are a very nice bunch of people who come here and read and comment. I never have to delete rude comments or nasty opinions. There is no meanness and no anger. I am sure you don't like everything I write and disagree with me quite often and with each other but still you are polite. Thank you, Dear Readers, for that.
Just to let you know. If you sometimes see comments disappear it is almost always because they try to use my blog for selling something. I think I once or twice, during all this time, have had to remove a comment because it was too personal or too rude. Sometimes someone post a comment and then correct it immediately, then I usually remove the first of them. But I don't see this as being rude.
8 comments:
Janice you are welcome.
It is only good manners to behave when invited into someones home.
I know, I'm showing my age, but there you are.
I hope that such a happy state of affairs continues.
Love and warm hugs,
Paul.
How is that possible to be rude or unpleasant here?
I often come here, I like reading these simple and sophisticated texts. Doubtless the sophistication is even more visible because of the apparent simplicity.
When I come here I'm docile (docile comes from latin "docilis" inclined to be educated).
Hugs and tender kisses Goddess Isis.
Cécile.
I'm fully with you there Janice.
Politeness costs us nothing, and as the written word, particularly the typed one, is such a crude mechanism for expressing meaning that it needs to be used carefully. Even what one considered as a compliment may sometimes be misconstrued, so it's important to be thoughtful in what one says.
Whilst I like to comment in order to express appreciation for the author, If I don't like what I read I think it's safer to write nothing than risk offence.
It takes a long while to build sufficient bridges between two people so that a gentle criticism may be voiced safely, and it takes even longer in this sort of context.
Well, let me quibble a bit. (Isn't it more fun if someone disagrees, just a bit?) I for one think that "politeness" is over-rated. Please understand that I contrast "politeness" with both "courtesy" and "good manners." Politeness, carried out to the letter, can be the height of rudeness. Courtesy, good manners or even good breeding on the other hand, are not always "polite."
My point is that politeness (defined in, say, Victorian terms) may inhibit the free exchange of ideas. In those golden days of yore when the Manor was open, I received many "impolite" messages in response to postings. Some messages were merely boorish, or deliberately cheeky -- I left these public as object lessons. Some attacked people other than me -- I deleted these as a matter of courtesy (not politeness) to the object of the attack. Some, however, were instructive, or at least offered a different point of view that I value.
Your humble servant,
Wystan E
Dear Paul, that is a brilliant way of looking at it. Feel invited.
Dear Cécile, you are too kind. Actually, your comment about my writing makes me really chuffed.
Dear Ollie, yes, I agree, life is so much easier if we show some consideration. You are allowed to disagree and be critical, I hope you feel enough at home to do that.
Dear Wystan E., can't possible leave your comment unquibbled. You do something very post-modern there, by defining the words yourself and then criticising your own definition. Had to check what the dictionary says about those words and funnily enough both 'courtesy' and 'manners' are defined in terms of politeness. So I don't really see the difference. As you define it, I agree with you. But that is not what I was talking about.
Hugs
Janice
Wystan's comment sent me off to the dictionary as well, but I refrained from expounding on my findings out of vile Victorian politeness - not courtesy
Ah well.
Oh, I do love a quibble! Ollie and Janice -- you both know very well that my point had little to do with dictionary definitions. My several dictionaries, too, give vague and ultimately circular definitions to words like politeness and courtesy and manners (and "good breeding"). The dictionary of the mind is a better source book, I think, for the finer points of meaning.
So I stand my ground: politeness (in my sense) is an inferior virtue -- if a virtue at all -- to courtesy; the two often are in conflict; when in doubt, choose the latter.
Regards,
W
Dear Janice, I think this is a case of you get what you give. You are always polite, pleasant and non-judgemental in your posts and I believe your readers respond in kind.
Props to you, dear friend.
Hugs
Mina
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