As you may have noticed, I haven't written much for the blog lately. It's not as if I am running out of ideas, more that I am not sure what happens in my head is good for the blog or is about fantasies, about the delightful pastime it can be.
I do often question my reasons for blogging. I began because I needed to know that I wasn't alone, that I wasn't the weirdest person on the planet and you have truly helped me with this. You have given me confidence in my writing and that means a lot to me, more than most other things, really.
The way I feel now, I find it hard to sit down and write stories for the blog. Maybe I am becoming to cautious, thinking that what I write will be too weird. This, I think is being unfair to you, Dear Readers, because you have always been very kind and not the least judgemental. I tend to write things that are too grim or too silly, and not fantasies as such and I fear they won't fit the blog. Maybe I am just being unfair to you, I don't know.
Maybe I am taking my writing too seriously and is becoming bigheaded. I have always felt that fantasies, for me, are about more than just something nice and exciting I can use when I don't have anything else to do. I am not implying it is like that for anybody else, but I think that some people take it far more easy than I do. For me there is the matter of deeper emotions that are expressed through fantasies and I think I am moving on to more painful things, and the images in my head sometimes appear strange and unappealing.
And, again, you have always told me to just write and don't be too bothered with what you as readers will think. Yes, there is a lot of agony in this, because I have truly loved blogging and now I don't know what to do. It seems a bad thing to abandon it, because my mind is moving somewhere else, but on the other hand, I am not so good at writing the kind of stories I have so far been doing, anymore.
I know my blog isn't the most popular out there, but I also know that you who come back to it are very caring and kind people and I do care about you in return, in my own strange way. I don't want to let you down but I am not good at trying to please you either with the blog. It has been too personal for that and that has been the magic of it all, that when I am personal and selfish, you have enjoyed it too. I really don't want to lose that.
Maybe there will appear a weird and unpleasant story here, now and then, we'll see. In the meantime, take care and be kind to yourselves.
By the way, I am fascinated and a little surprised by the comments to my last piece. It is amazing how the minds works. I have replied in the comments, which I always do (almost), although it takes some time.