I have noticed a certain reluctance among people who declare their interest in anything kinky, for explaining or understanding the interest. I can understand that this has to do with a refusal to be regarded as deviant or, even worse, perverse. We know that kinky people are like any people; jealous, petty, evil, loving, nice, caring, cautious, intelligent and generally wonderful.
If you, like me, are blessed and cursed with an enquiring mind, you can't help asking the questions. Why? And how? What's behind it? And that is not confined to kink. Most things pose questions, make you wonder.
I thought I would share a thought that is very personal and maybe an answer to some of the whys of my imagination.
Tying people up, stripping off their clothes, and whipping them have a lot to do with power, the uneven distribution of power. This leads me to think of authorities. We have all been faced with people with power, teachers, parents, coaches, clerks and officials.
Our experiences of people with authority may be varied. Except my parents and a few others I have always been suspicious of authorities, scared of people with power, and especially if they have power over me.
I didn't grow up in a time when those people had the power to deal out the kind of punishments I so happily include in my fantasies. But I have always been aware of being quite powerless before some of those people.
In addition I have a history of disappointments in authorities, of teachers who taught me things I knew were wrong, and who wasn't adult enough to admit it, and the arbitrariness of some of them. I would have loved to have had a good teacher, one I could trust and whom I believed was right, who was able to teach me something of the world, about living in it.
The very thought that one of those people would have been given the power to punish me with, for example, a spanking, is terrifying. I could think of few things as humiliating and abhorrent. There is not even the slightest fascination in it, the idea is really terrible.
So, there is it, a person with a profound distrust for authorities, and a similarly overwhelming dislike for the idea that they should be given any power over her. And yet this person is obsessed with punishments and the unfairness of it all, the very difference in power between people.
Could it be that fantasies are, somehow, fuelled by the unfairness of childhood, the fear of humiliation and that sense of helplessness, and that one way of dealing with it, is to take control over them and approach them in an environment where they can do no harm, any more? To turn it into something good, something you enjoy?
Some people seem to have similar experiences but take another path, they want to be the ruler, the one who punishes and decides. It seems logical. I still struggle with the fact that I tend to go there on another path, let myself be humiliated and punished. I am still not sure why I so want it in my imagination.
7 comments:
Janice, an interesting take on this thing we imagine and some of us do.
I was fortunate, I had two teachers who informed my life and still do more than sixty years later.
I also had the opposite, about seventy years ago.
The Social Services of the time placed me in a home whose head and wife were sadists, I don't say that lightly, I was thirty before I decided that and had been out of their hands for sixteen years.
I have had a lifelong interest in the erotic aspect of this thing we do, my wife insists that my childhood has warped me, yet I have no desire to cause the sort of pain that I suffered daily at that home.
In fact the very thought makes me feel ill.
This isn't helping at all, it just shows that we are all different.
By the way, I'm really 'chuffed' that I made you feel that way, I haven't heard that expression in a month of Sundays.
Thank you!
Love and warm hugs,
Paul
Dear Janice:
I can't remember excatly when i started to fantasise about tying and whipping beautiful women, but i was very young. I always used to look fascinated, to images of women being whipped in comics, or movies, and my heart always started beating fast on those ocasions.
I d'ont know why this happens, the only common point with you, or Paul, it's that i have a story of suspecction and disapointment with authorities, including with my first teatcher, and many of the others. Even today, i feel some instintive suspiction about intitutions as the police, or the army, (with all the respect to the honest and serious persons who have those useful and irreplaçable professions.) It's some kind of self defense instinct, in the presence of authority symbols. It happens with priests too.
On the other way, i also had some good experiences with some professors, (not many), and one of them, finished inspiring the choosing of my studyies. I d'ont know if those bad experiences influenced my fantasies, i admit that possibility, as a previous question.
Warm hugs,
L. = Luís
My Dear,
My own fantasies run the gamut from me as fair and benevolent, if sometimes severe, power to pure wantonness, unbridled, without morals or limits.
Yes, this fascination started in childhood, but there was no trauma or trigger I am aware of -- only an ever-increasing desire to have, and exert, power over females -- the giving of pleasure and pain.
Taking your point from the other side of the looking glass, the fantasies may appeal to me because they offer freedom from the normal constraints -- values I honor -- of kindness, fairness, and trusting equal partnership with women. That is, I am fascinated at the thought -- the playing out of the thought -- of being pure id.
Warm Regards,
Andres
Hello chérie Janice _^^_
Speaking as a natural submissive, I also echo the two comments above -- I also began to have submissive sexual fantasies since I was a very young child.
Also, just my small response to your lines-of-thought here -- I also, as you know, distrust and (I believe rightly) believe that all authority must be constantly questioned and critiqued ...
... however, perhaps y/our fantasies reflect y/our aching desire to find dominant(s)/authority worthy of deserving y/our submission and utter trust to the point of humiliation and pain? As opposed to those you speak of, who after all had not earnt y/our submission or trust and therefore didn't deserve y/our gift of y/our submission, thus don't feature in your fantasies!
And even if our fantasies are in contrast to our real-life experiences, doesn't make the yearning for such depths of trust/submission/dominance any less valid or real!
Or -- should we, after all, differentiate between everyday 'authority' by other human beings, and the deepest intimate trust that can exist between submission/dominance/submissive/dominant ... are these very different, after all?
Just some of my own musings! In response to yours!
Much love -- always _^^_
Very interesting points which tends to show how similar feelings we all share. I'm now beginning to think that this erotic imagination thing is really no different to the other type of imaginative fiction that inhabits our high art and literature. Look at the murder and mayhem that Shakespeare wrote about, yet everybody happily reads King Lear or Macbeth and is entertained and fascinated by death and destruction. What about the naked art statues, Michelangelo’s David, etc etc.
I think all normal humans naturally imagine a whole range of delicious thoughts and emotions that may or may not be socially acceptable. Public whippings may not now be acceptable yet not so long ago public burnings at the stake were authorised by the Church. These days our television is full of murder mysteries that we identify with and don't feel the slightest embarrassment. Ce la vie.
Let’s all relax and celebrate and enjoy those wonderful tingly fantasy feelings.
Love your honesty.
Life is too short for irrational angst.
Lyn
Dear Paul, my heart goes out to you, it must have been very hard. But you got away, and that means something. Hugs.
Dear Luis, I think we all have different and similar stories. I don't mean to explain anything, other than trying to make sense of my own experiences. Meeting someone with authority can affect us in so many different ways.
Dear Andres, I think all and everything are included in our fantasies, and I am not looking for triggers or traumas, just associations and connections, sometimes vague, sometimes clearer, always personal.
Dear Lea, I don't think my fantasies and urges are less valid or real, not at all. I am just opening my mind for the possibility that they are like dreams, my inner self in a symbolic rather than literal way.
Dear Lyn, you put your finger on something that is very true. Why should kink be so strange and untoward, when people happily read about and watch murder and jealousy and cruelty in other forms? Not to mention the fact that high art is driven by very basic desires, and so on. I agree with you. I do have to say that it is easier said than done to get rid of your angst.
Hugs
Janice
When 'authoritie' are wrong. The pope telling Galeleo, the sun moved around the earth. Other religious leader's telling us there is a 'god', but scientist's like Albert Einstein, and Charles Darwin, telling us time and time again, that its. "Evolution", my dear Watson, Evolution". Yes, Janice, how often have these 'authoritive' figures been proven wrong. Yes, Janice, you are right. Question, Question, Question.
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