Friday, 9 May 2008

A Little Bit Darker

Don't worry, I am not going to tell you I am depressed or unhappy. No, I was thinking about fantasies and what this blog is about. And about talking to you, dear readers, about fantasies.

Many people who are into spanking, who practice it or want to practice it seem to be pretty clear about what it is all about, or rather, they are happy with not knowing exactly but accept that they want it and that it is ok to want it. I am not going to give you another of those rants about me being uncertain what I want and all that. No, I was thinking about the role of fantasies.

It seems like many people have fantasies about things like getting your bottom smacked or smacking someone else's bottom and seem to be fairly happy with imagining this. Fantasies are about enjoying yourself and I wouldn't want to pretend anything else. And I hope I don't seem judgemental when speaking of how I perceive others to be or think.

But - there is always a but - I can't help feeling that my fantasies are a bit more unruly than that. They seem always to want to go places where I am not comfortable, shock me with things that I really don't like. I have touched about this when speaking of being aroused by the almost rape scene in Clockwork Orange.

They are not always like that. I do find, that when I am writing, I tend to focus on relationships, on interaction and mutuality. I want people to be happy and I don't want people to be really cruel to each other. I try to write it like that (cruel and brutal) sometimes but I can't really pull it off. I tend to be concerned with the emotions between people and I do want that certain sweetness that goes with a good relationship. I think there are a lot of excitement in that, in scenes where people realise they have a mutual interest or how they work their way from a polite conversation to a more hands on approach to things.

Still there is this other path, the darker and more sinister path, where spankers are not really lovers and when the ones getting their bottoms smacked don't really enjoy it. There seems always to be something that catches my eye, that makes me think 'ouch, that is bad!' or 'oh, how cruel!' In that scene in Clockwork Orange where the girl gets her clothes torn off and she is about to be raped, I truly think it is horrible to see her struggle and really horrible to think that she doesn't want it. Still there is this forbidden excitement. I can't rationalise it although I should. After all, it is not for real and we should be able to allow ourselves to have fantasies about non mutual things, about abuse and cruelty. There is nothing wrong with that. We are in control in our heads so there is no real cruelty being done.

I am not – I repeat, I am not – being judgemental. It is just that I feel I have concentrated on the softer side of fantasies in my blog, making you think I am all kind and nice, with a little naughtiness thrown in. I think a blog about fantasies should touch on all sorts of fantasies. Not that I am prepared to tell you everything but in all honesty, I think I should allow myself to show that fantasy land is not all cosy and happiness.

So, here is a kind of question to you, dear readers; is for you as it is for me, that your fantasy worlds sometimes show you things you are not comfortable with, things that excites you but you can't really accept, or that even scare you a little?


Anonymous said...

According to my thesaurus the antonym of fantasy is reality. Let’s face it. For many of us reality is the place we exist and fantasy is the place we live. The question seems to be whether we wander far a field in our fantasies and the answer I would think is of course we do. Fantasy is a safe place to try on personas that cannot be permitted in reality. In reality there are hard and fast boundaries in place to contain us. In fantasy those boundaries are soft and pliable allowing us liberties available nowhere else.

Paul said...

Janice, of course Span king is right to a degree.
I cannot speak for others, but yes, there are corners in my imagination where I hardly dare to venture.
In dreams that are on the edge of nightmare.
Maybe these images come from our core brain, perhaps something to do with racial memories.
Culture is, I think what holds us in bounds.
Warm hugs,

Anonymous said...

Janice, I wonder if you have in mind a different question than the one you pose at the end. So far you have (mainly) shown us your fantasy's (for want of a better term)penumbra. The twilit images, not the utter darkness. I suspect you wonder how your readers would react if you were to give them a glimpse of your deepest, most "shocking" dreams. In my own experience (but remember, I am dead) some readers were put off, others drawn in. It would likely be so with you. Your most loyal readers -- fellow sojourners, shall we say -- who have imbibed your every word will surely not think less of you -- they will be intrigued, grateful, and as the two previous commentators hint, relieved.

Warm regards,
Wystan E.(deceased)

Anonymous said...

Dear Janice,
Yes, my fantasy world is quite different to my reality or at least sometimes I find myself thinking of even being aroused by things that seem extreme or certainly things it is unlikely I would truly want to experience. I do believe we are all this way, we all have those dark corners. Personally I feel this is normal, though whether we openly discuss it with others is a different story.

I too have tried to write things a little darker and always seem to change it at the end, can't bring myself to show others that darkest part. I still find that even when non-mutual situations come in they always end up in mutuality, I have not gotten passed that yet. I think I need that factor, that the other does enjoy whatever it is even if they can't admit it. Even if my fantasies get quite extreme and cruel there is always that underlying 'yes' from all parties even if some take their time getting there.

There are moments though where I have gotten to live a fantasy or two and I will say the reality has been unbelievably enjoyable and sweet.


Anonymous said...

You have no duty to present a balanced view of your fantasy life in your blog and I would guess that most (if not all) of your readers are happy that you are brave and articulate enough to share as much as you do. I certainly am, even though I’m more drawn to dark fantasies than those tinged with romance.

Anonymous said...

My fantasies are of bondage, abduction, slavery and rape. It disturbs me that I am so aroused by actions I would never consider doing to one unwilling. That paradox haunts me.

We all have skeletons in our closet. The way I look at it is that it beats being alone.


Janice said...

Dear all commenters,

Your comments made my day. Too many brilliant thoughts to reply to here...or am I just lazy? I may return to this in a blogpost. Thanks for reading and commenting. I do really appreciate it.

Big Hugs


Jim said...

People often confuse phantasy with desire. Phantasy is not necessarily owned by the individual who experiences it, whether transiently or persistently. Phantasy haunts our DNA, like crows haunt twisty trees. An individual tree may wither and die, but the crows will return to whatever sapling grows to take its place. The young, the vulnerable, the female---pain and humiliation was always our lot; our minds and bodies have evolved to expect them. Expectation is not necessarily desire, it can be a rehearsal.

Anonymous said...

Dear Janice -

When I make a piece of art it reflects me at the moment I made it, but it is not me. Sometimes I even make art with themes and colors that do not interest me because I made it for a friend. So, it is for an audience that does not include me. So, try not to worry about the dark places you may go with your writing, it is an exercise and an exploration of feeling and fantasy without limits. You are fine, just fine - and the feelings you explore in your writing may bring you insights, and sometimes they won't.