Don't worry, I am not going to tell you I am depressed or unhappy. No, I was thinking about fantasies and what this blog is about. And about talking to you, dear readers, about fantasies.
Many people who are into spanking, who practice it or want to practice it seem to be pretty clear about what it is all about, or rather, they are happy with not knowing exactly but accept that they want it and that it is ok to want it. I am not going to give you another of those rants about me being uncertain what I want and all that. No, I was thinking about the role of fantasies.
It seems like many people have fantasies about things like getting your bottom smacked or smacking someone else's bottom and seem to be fairly happy with imagining this. Fantasies are about enjoying yourself and I wouldn't want to pretend anything else. And I hope I don't seem judgemental when speaking of how I perceive others to be or think.
But - there is always a but - I can't help feeling that my fantasies are a bit more unruly than that. They seem always to want to go places where I am not comfortable, shock me with things that I really don't like. I have touched about this when speaking of being aroused by the almost rape scene in Clockwork Orange.
They are not always like that. I do find, that when I am writing, I tend to focus on relationships, on interaction and mutuality. I want people to be happy and I don't want people to be really cruel to each other. I try to write it like that (cruel and brutal) sometimes but I can't really pull it off. I tend to be concerned with the emotions between people and I do want that certain sweetness that goes with a good relationship. I think there are a lot of excitement in that, in scenes where people realise they have a mutual interest or how they work their way from a polite conversation to a more hands on approach to things.
Still there is this other path, the darker and more sinister path, where spankers are not really lovers and when the ones getting their bottoms smacked don't really enjoy it. There seems always to be something that catches my eye, that makes me think 'ouch, that is bad!' or 'oh, how cruel!' In that scene in Clockwork Orange where the girl gets her clothes torn off and she is about to be raped, I truly think it is horrible to see her struggle and really horrible to think that she doesn't want it. Still there is this forbidden excitement. I can't rationalise it although I should. After all, it is not for real and we should be able to allow ourselves to have fantasies about non mutual things, about abuse and cruelty. There is nothing wrong with that. We are in control in our heads so there is no real cruelty being done.
I am not – I repeat, I am not – being judgemental. It is just that I feel I have concentrated on the softer side of fantasies in my blog, making you think I am all kind and nice, with a little naughtiness thrown in. I think a blog about fantasies should touch on all sorts of fantasies. Not that I am prepared to tell you everything but in all honesty, I think I should allow myself to show that fantasy land is not all cosy and happiness.
So, here is a kind of question to you, dear readers; is for you as it is for me, that your fantasy worlds sometimes show you things you are not comfortable with, things that excites you but you can't really accept, or that even scare you a little?