Yes and No

Dear Readers, does it ever happen to you, that your fantasies seems so very much contradictory? It happens to me a lot. I have noticed in my reactions to other people, in chat and conversations, and I have felt it in reading other's stories.

I will give you an example and I am curious to know what you think of this. So, here it goes: I like an arrogant, determined and ruthless person to overwhelm me. Right, you have read my blog. You have met him there and you know how easily my heroines bow to his or her will.

Sometimes when I chat with someone, in a chat room, in Second Life or even email, I come across someone who tells me, straight away, that they know what kind of person I am, or rather what kind of girl I am. For some reason you are always a girl for these people. Furthermore they tell me they know what I want, which is – and here follows a series of suggestions that makes my cheek flash like an alarm signal with embarrassment. I am a prude, after all.

I get terribly annoyed with these people. That they are bold and blunt may be only expected. I do have myself to blame for visiting certain (virtual, mind you, I am talking about the wonderful world of the Web, nothing else) places. No, my reaction is very negative, thinking that they have no knowledge of me and have no idea of what I want. It is easier to accept that they disregard my opinion than it is to accept that they know me.

Isn't that the kind of arrogance that works in fantasies? Why can't I play along and just go with the flow? I am not, after all, out for a relationship, just some fun and some sharing of fantasies. The truth is that I don't like rudeness and arrogance.

But, and here is the contradiction. I sometimes talk to people who are very kind and pleasant, people who are considerate and attentive and who, without doubt, are so nice that you would consider talking to them in real life. They often maintain that, for example, a spanking is about the spanked knowing what the spankee wants and providing that.

I am a little disappointed, fantasy-wise. I don't like the thought that someone is just doing what I want, and possibly, needs my reassuring words and feedback. I do like to fantasise about someone who wants me for their own sake, not just to be kind to me. I have a hard time imagining getting a spanking as an act of kindness. No, there should be some kind of ruthless self indulgence on the behalf of the spanker for it to be interesting.

So, there it is, the contradiction. Is it because I mix reality with the fantasy, that when chatting there is actually a real person, someone who may have done this in real life, someone who imagines a real relationship? Because I know and recognise that real life relationship must be very different. You have to care about each other, give and take, play your roles, be attentive and all that.

In a way I don't think my reactions are strange but I wonder (and I don't expect you to be able to answer this...smiles), if this contradiction is there in my head, in me and that I can avoid it in fantasies by putting different sets of desires and emotions in different fantasies. Today I want a ruthless brute, tomorrow I may fantasise about someone who is attentive and loving.