Tuesday, 17 June 2008

Yes and No

Dear Readers, does it ever happen to you, that your fantasies seems so very much contradictory? It happens to me a lot. I have noticed in my reactions to other people, in chat and conversations, and I have felt it in reading other's stories.

I will give you an example and I am curious to know what you think of this. So, here it goes: I like an arrogant, determined and ruthless person to overwhelm me. Right, you have read my blog. You have met him there and you know how easily my heroines bow to his or her will.

Sometimes when I chat with someone, in a chat room, in Second Life or even email, I come across someone who tells me, straight away, that they know what kind of person I am, or rather what kind of girl I am. For some reason you are always a girl for these people. Furthermore they tell me they know what I want, which is – and here follows a series of suggestions that makes my cheek flash like an alarm signal with embarrassment. I am a prude, after all.

I get terribly annoyed with these people. That they are bold and blunt may be only expected. I do have myself to blame for visiting certain (virtual, mind you, I am talking about the wonderful world of the Web, nothing else) places. No, my reaction is very negative, thinking that they have no knowledge of me and have no idea of what I want. It is easier to accept that they disregard my opinion than it is to accept that they know me.

Isn't that the kind of arrogance that works in fantasies? Why can't I play along and just go with the flow? I am not, after all, out for a relationship, just some fun and some sharing of fantasies. The truth is that I don't like rudeness and arrogance.

But, and here is the contradiction. I sometimes talk to people who are very kind and pleasant, people who are considerate and attentive and who, without doubt, are so nice that you would consider talking to them in real life. They often maintain that, for example, a spanking is about the spanked knowing what the spankee wants and providing that.

I am a little disappointed, fantasy-wise. I don't like the thought that someone is just doing what I want, and possibly, needs my reassuring words and feedback. I do like to fantasise about someone who wants me for their own sake, not just to be kind to me. I have a hard time imagining getting a spanking as an act of kindness. No, there should be some kind of ruthless self indulgence on the behalf of the spanker for it to be interesting.

So, there it is, the contradiction. Is it because I mix reality with the fantasy, that when chatting there is actually a real person, someone who may have done this in real life, someone who imagines a real relationship? Because I know and recognise that real life relationship must be very different. You have to care about each other, give and take, play your roles, be attentive and all that.

In a way I don't think my reactions are strange but I wonder (and I don't expect you to be able to answer this...smiles), if this contradiction is there in my head, in me and that I can avoid it in fantasies by putting different sets of desires and emotions in different fantasies. Today I want a ruthless brute, tomorrow I may fantasise about someone who is attentive and loving.


Anonymous said...

Dear Janice
Here’s a thought: if the ideas you come up with when writing your stories were the same as those you have in your everyday life, you wouldn’t be writing fantasy fiction but autobiography. In all stories, the characters (including the narrator if the story is in the first person) have desires which are not those of the writer. This isn’t contradiction; it’s fiction. I know it can’t be easy, but you shouldn’t take seriously people who don’t (or, more likely, don’t want to) understand this.

That isn’t to deny that you, like all the rest of us, hold contradictory thoughts. And maybe your writing allows an outlet for some ideas that cannot, for both practical and ethical reasons, find expression in everyday life. But that’s true of all who fantasise, including those (like me) who are neither brave enough nor gifted enough to bring pleasure to others by publishing our erotic imaginings.

Hugs, Michael

Paul said...

Janice, I see no contradiction, we all fantasise and when we do, different aspects of ourselves come into play.
Prude may be one small facet of your personality, and maybe the one that you like to hide behind and present to the world.
God forbid the the real world sees what roils below the surface of your placid prudish facade.
In writing your fantasies and posting them here, you are safe for none of us really know you.
Just my 10p's worth, no offence is intended.
Warm hugs,

Anonymous said...

Why can you not have both. A ruthless sadist who loves you. But I do know what you mean and feel that contradiction at times too.

For me it is about the spanker enjoying it as much if not more than the spankee. That there will be times when the spanker will do as they please but within the set limits. I think a loving relationship has the scope to push those boundaries and maintain the trust.

I am rambling here but I too wouldn't like someone to just do it ONLY because I want it, I want more than that. And, should I get to spank you can believe that I will enjoy every second.


Anonymous said...

Janice: Your comment about contradictions in erotic fantasies applies equally to real-life romance vs. romantic ideals. We (OK, I) have several scripts, or templates, for the One True Love. It both amuses and appalls me that the great lesson I learned through a catastrophic relationship followed by an idyllic one was .... listen to your common sense, not your "heart."

Only Fantasy allows us to do the opposite with impunity.


MissHoney said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
MissHoney said...

This is an interesting post. For me because I have been accused of being too "nice" for a dominant. But I can only be me. I do care... but I also need the person I am sharing with to care.

For me it is a bit of a tiger chasing its tail. For I am turned on when the person I am sharing with is turned on, but if their pleasure comes from pleasing me... and my pleasure comes from their pleasure... well around and around we go until the tigers turn to butter.

But I do so enjoy seeing this from your perspective.

:) Honey

Janice said...

Dear Michael, I think story writing is a way of accepting contradictory desires. I don't really let that stop me. This was just a rant, really.

Dear Paul, no offence taken, none whatsoever. I think you are right. My posting was just a reflection about my own contradictory feelings about those things.

Dear Mina, I think you are right, that in reality those things mix, a little give and take and both parties are happy. I was more thinking about my fantasy life.

Dear Marcus, I suppose contradictions are what we should expect of life, try to embrace them perhaps, rather than to over come them.

Dear Miss Honey, that was an interesting aspect of it. I am more thinking of the idealised situation in fantasies and, perhaps, even roleplay. But I guess it is like that, in reality, and come to think of it, in most relationships, that is it a little give and take, all the time. Welcome to my blog...smiles.