Saturday, 18 April 2009

Surrender, part 20

You may have noticed, I haven't been blogging that much lately. I am sorry, I have every intention of blogging regularly but now my mind has been busy, full of other stuff. Anyway, here is the last (latest) instalment of the Surrender story. I think it would be quite possible to stop there but part of me wants to continue. What do you think Dear Readers? I have an idea what you will say but I will ask you anyway.

A Tuesday afternoon in November he phoned me at work and told me to come home to him in the evening. That sort of thing often happened and he showed no respect for any plans I possibly had. This evening I had no plans but something he said made me a little wary.

He told me I was to be spanked when I got to his flat. I wasn't exactly surprised that he should choose to spank me without giving a reason but it was unusual that he told me in advance and I was by no means used to being punished like that.

I was quite upset the whole afternoon and was a little annoyed with him. I knew the reason for telling me in advance was for me to have time to worry. It was all intentional. That thought caused both anger and a strange sense of acceptance. If this is what he wanted of me, then so be it!

I was a bit apprehensive when I rang his doorbell and was admitted. He beamed at me as if the thought of giving me a spanking was the most delightful thought ever conceived. Maybe it was, for him.

'There is someone I want you to meet,' he said as we entered the living room.

'I thought,' I blurted out before I bit my tongue.

A youngish man sat in one of the armchairs, the left one, the one he never sat in. He had dark blond hair, was quite thin and had delicate hands. He was dressed in black trousers and a dark read sweater. I saw that he was tall and slender as he rose to his feet to greet me.

'This is Jonathon, and this is my pet.'

I had wished he had told Jonathon I had a PhD in History, not just a 'pet'. My cheeks were red as I took his hand and felt the firm grip of a warm hand. I liked him already.

'What were you saying?' my man said to me.

'No, nothing.'

'Please, tell us. You thought something.'

'It wasn't important.'

'Oh, but do go on and tell us, now that I have asked you.'

I considered saying something about thinking that we were going out but I knew he knew what I had been about to say and lying to him seemed like something I couldn't possibly do.

'Please, it doesn't matter.'

'Do say it, I want you too.'

'I am sure Jonathon doesn't want to know all about what I was thinking.'

'Tell us now!'

I took a deep breath.

'I thought you were going to...smack me.' My voice trailed off.

'What makes you think I won't do that?'

'We have guests.'

'But Jonathon is a good friend. He won't mind.'

'You can't be serious.'

'I am dead serious.'

I stared at him. I felt how I blushed. I had told Sarah but that had been embarrassing enough. The thought of an unknown man, like Jonathon watching my humiliation was unthinkable.

'Can I make you some tea?' I said in a desperate attempt at a diversion.

'No, you can walk over to the table and lean over it.'


'Do as you are told!'

In a way it was easier when he was this stern. I seemed to lean on his harshness, his demanding voice to be able to do what was required of me. It was easier to surrender my will to his and let him take the shame.

I walked on trembling legs over to the table. I looked over my shoulder and leaned on the table. I knew that Jonathon now could see my bottom clearly. I was wearing a skirt and it wouldn't ride up too far but with or without clothes my bottom was on full display.

'Please, prepare yourself.'

My heart started beating as I knew I had to raise my skirt. I reached back and slowly pulled it up. There was no way I would volunteer to pull my tights and knickers down. I still hoped I would be allowed to keep them on.

'What makes you think I would choose to spank you on your tights this time?'

The mocking tone of his voice seemed like a slap in my face.

I took hold of my tights and worked them down over my bottom. I stopped directly below my buttocks, when I just had exposed my knickers.

He cleared his throat in a way that made me aware he wasn't satisfied with my behaviour. I knew what he meant. I knew I had no choice.

I sighed and reached back and pulled my knickers down to my tights.

'Down to your knees.'

I did as I was told. I pressed my knees together, fully aware that Jonathon now could see my naked bottom and possibly more too.

It was to be the belt this time. I had never got the belt before. The one I was spanked with was broad and rather heavy and stiff. It felt a little like the tawse but was a bit heavier.

I struggled with the pain, trying to cope when he landed blow after blow on my naked bottom. I didn't want to cry and sob when Jonathon was watching.

I squirmed and wriggled my bottom while I tried to hold back my tears and the pathetic sounds of distress that threatened to come out.

I sighed with relief when he held up after an eternity of smackings. I closed my eyes and hoped it was over for this time.

'Jonathon, perhaps you want to have a go as well?'

I was startled. He really wanted to humiliate me this time.

I heard how Jonathon rose from his seat and approached me. He wasted no time and soon a smack landed on my already sore bottom.

I had tears in my eyes. He let another man spank me. At that moment it felt like he had given me to him for sex, as a loan, as he was prostituting me. Spankings had been between him and me, now an unknown man was spanking me.

Jonathon was milder, didn't beat me as hard, although the lashes with the belt still stung. He kept on for a while and I was on the brink of starting to cry when he stopped.

I took a deep breath and hoped that it would be over. I wanted to hide, to pull something over my head and forget all about this.

'Yes, go ahead,' I heard my man say and immediately I felt a hand on my bottom. I jumped. I knew it was Jonathon who was touching me.

I gritted my teeth as I felt his hand caressing my aching bottom. I shivered as I felt him moving his fingers over my burning skin.

I wasn't prepared when he quickly slipped his fingers in between my thighs and into me. I cried out in shock and shame but Jonathon didn't hesitate. He kept his fingers in me and felt his way.

My heart was beating in agony as anger flashed through my mind. It all happened so quickly and I was so unprepared. I couldn't defend myself. He kept his fingers in me and I cried when I felt I couldn't keep my arousal down. Like the sudden assault of some hidden foe in an ambush it shocked my body and when it was there I couldn't resist it. I was helpless.

I squirmed as I came with the stranger's hand inside me. My body told me it was sweet but I was devastated. I felt used and abused and wanted to cry.

Later I was allowed to pull my clothes back up and I was even offered a place in the sofa and there we sat, all three of us having a polite and civilised conversation. Still we all knew that I had been leaning over a table just minutes before, knickers around my knees, spanked and fingered and shaming myself. It was the most surreal experience I had ever been through.

'How could you do this?' I cried at him when Jonathon had left. I was furious, hurt and very, very upset.

'Do what?' he said, pretending to be unknowing.

'You know what I mean.'

'Jonathon is my friend.'

'I don't know him.'

'Does it matter?'

'I matters to me.'

'Listen,' he said and looked me in the eyes, 'what makes you think your submission is a private matter? What makes you think you have the right to hide it from my friends?'

'But you let him touch me.'

'That is what I wanted him to do.'

I stood in silence, lost for words. I stared at him, tears in my eyes, heart beating hard. I wanted nothing of this. I wasn't coping.

'So this is what it means to be a woman at your feet?'

'Yes, this is what it means.'

'I don't think I can cope any more.'

He looked at me. I wondered what he was thinking. He looked full of thoughts. I could see he wasn't angry with me but I saw no sign of regret either.

'If you let me, I can help you.'

I stood in awe. That was something I hadn't expected him to say. His voice was gentle. He wanted to help me. He was firm about ruling me but he wanted to help me submit to him. It was a strange combination.

'Come here!' He held out his arms. I looked at him, still angry, still hurt, tears streaming down my face. But I longed for his touch.

I let him embrace me and hold me. I wondered if I let him defeat me, yet again, or if this was what I really wanted. Or if it was both.

He held me and stroked my cheek. I cried with abandon, like a child.

'I do love you. I love you so much. And I am so very proud of you.'

'But you want me to surrender to you,' I whispered.

'Yes, I want the whole of you, for me, because I love you.'

'You are an arrogant bastard, you know that.'

'I know.'


Anonymous said...

No, you can't stop now. You really cannot.

OK, OK, you'll say it's your choice, and of course it is. Still ...


Wystan E

Anonymous said...

I agree, you can't stop now. Every word was perfect. I will feel tingly nice for hours.

Anonymous said...

That last one is my comment Janice, as a newbe I'm still trying to get the hang of the procedure


Paul said...

Janice dear girl, your writing has lost non of it's magic.
Please don't stop now.
I suspect that there has to be an element of arrogance in every Dom,
it's certainly keeping his pet on her toes.
Love and warm hugs,
PS. It's good to be back.

Anonymous said...

PLEASE continue. You are in the great tradition of Pauline Réage and there is so little as worthwhile on the net.

Anonymous said...

Wow, Janice - I shivered too ...

TFP said...


Oh, there must be so much more...

Please continue!


Anonymous said...

Dear Janice
We trust your imagination to go on with the training of your submissive, that on my point of view is not yet complete.
She may be auctioned, naked and barefooted, in a private and selected audience, as far as her master don't lose the control over her, she may be forced to persuade Sarah to join her, she may....
I don't want to guide your fascinating imagination, only to dissuade you from stopping now.
Have fun.

Anonymous said...

Dear Janice --

Well, it's unanimous.

Poor lass, I fear that, even as an author, you have NO CHOICE but to submit to our will...


Wystan E

Meta said...

I have mixed feelings about this post and about your question to continue...

Throwing my two cents in, I think that this is a nice ending to the story. On the other hand, I've really been enjoying following these characters over a longer period of time than your other stories, so I'd be sad to see them disappear.

As for this installment itself, it produced an interesting reaction in me. I imagine my feelings reading this paralleled hers experiencing it. I felt aroused and enjoyed the idea that she was being used like that, but something about that bothered me. I think I really had a problem with the fact that there was no discussion of this ahead of time and I didn't feel like she could've stopped it. Of course, you have room to play with non-consent in fiction, but still, I thought that something about that wasn't okay. Pondering it more, I realized, though, that perhaps it is okay, given their underlying relationship, her desire to be at his feet, and the trust that's been building up between them. My Master and I discussed him sharing me with someone else (it's never gotten out of the fantasy stage), which I think is why it had this effect on me (I even had him read this part of the story because of my reaction). If it were him doing this to me, I'd be okay with it, but the feelings of confusion, anger, etc. would probably be layered in between the arousal. All this is to say that this was a particularly powerful piece of the story for me. :)

Janice said...

Dear Wystan, thank you, it means a lot to have you urge me on, even if you tell me to submit to your will...chuckles.

Dear George, tingly sounds nice. I am chuffed.

Dear Paul, welcome back, hope you are well and happy. I like magic, I really like that. When you say that I think I have achieved something.

Dear Anonymous, Pauline Réage is a great inspiration. And I have realised recently that the Story of O has affected me more than I want to admit. Thank you.

Dear Anonymous, shiver is nice too, I like to hear that...smiles.

Dear TFP, yes and no. There could be a story of a life or it could stop there. But I agree, there is room for more things to happen.

Dear Antonio, I do love auctions...smiles. Not sure it may happen to her but it is, surely, an idea. Thanks.

Dear Meta, it amazes me that you reacted so strongly to this. I think it was a good thing, it tells me, I struck a chord. I do share your mixed emotions and have tried to address it in my next blogpost. In a way it isn't ok at all but in a story we may want it to happen anyway. Isn't that the dilemma, sometimes?

Thank you ever so much Dear Readers



Mina said...

Dear Janice

I always have a bit of an issue with things that don't seem consensual but I also understand that in fiction it would be tedious to define every little conversation or detail regarding such things. I actually found it interesting that I still like the male character as often I form a dislike of them when they are so arrogant though. I can't stand either of the main male characters in The Story of O as we have already discussed and it is because I feel their lack of respect and responsibility for O. You never let your male character do that and it keeps a warmth that shows he still respects and indeed loves his sub.

Perhaps I am just a hopeless romantic after all.

A great epidsode but I would certainly enjoy reading more if you choose to continue.