Kink?

What does it mean? The word, what does it mean to you and what does it mean to me?

But before I say anything about that I will say sorry for not blogging so much. My mind seem to have been occupied with other things and I have not really known what to blog about. I guess that such is life, but I do feel a little bad if some of you have been waiting for something to appear here.

And I will be disappearing again at the end of this week and won't be able to blog until August. The upside is that I think it is good to stay away from computers at times and I think I need that. I have found sitting by a monitor all day long quite stressful lately. Just to let you know.

So, back to kink. The dictionary speaks of knots or bends in a rope, something that is no longer straight. I suppose it is that meaning that leads to the idea of the sexual perverse. Yes, I use that expression because so does Oxford English Dictionary. Furthermore it mentions homosexuality. I am not saying this to rant about stuffy old lexicographers. It is just that it seems as if the meaning changes and most likely is quite individual.

No one in their right mind would say that being gay is kinky. Not in this day and age. So the focus changes. But what does it mean? Is it kinky to be aroused by push-bikes? I don't know.

I think, for me, there has to be this edge to it, the addition to if being bad. When someone says kink I think of spankings and being tied up, dominance and submission, arrogance and cruelty. (No this is not the time for the discussion whether submission and dominance as such have to be bad...it can be bad and that is enough for me at the moment.)

Kink for me doesn't just mean the 'sexually deviant' (had to put the quotation marks there...smiles) but it means something that is bad and, thus, problematic.

Hope you are with me still. I am not saying people who spank each other for mutual pleasure are bad. I am saying that spankings, originally had a place in a society that oppressed people and that it was used for that purpose. Same with slavery. I am sure you see the pattern, none here would say that slavery is good but still we can find the idea of slave markets, being chained on a podium, put up for sale, to be immensely exciting.

I guess, for you, as for me, the word has taken on a more positive value than it had originally. I think people in general proudly speak of their kink when they embrace their lifestyle.

This brings me to another thing I wanted to write about. I feel, sometimes there is a kind of cosiness about kink, that people who have admitted to themselves they are aroused by things that some others would consider perverse, seem to work hard to normalise their kink. There is, almost, a political, perhaps even personal need to make kink acceptable.

Believe me, I am all for that. I really think that anyone should have the right to indulge their love for push-bikes or whips as long as they don't harm anyone. I agree completely with the politics in it.

The reason why I rant about it here is that I still, after all this time, find it problematic to admit that I do find the idea of being humiliated or whipped arousing. To me it still stands for something bad, something I don't really want happen. I can't just say: 'Hi, I am Janice and I am spanko, I would really like you to smack my bottom'. Simply because I would most likely not want it. It hurts, after all, and I am not that keen on pain.

Had I found it just an expression of my personality, a part of my own sexuality I was truly happy about I wouldn't be blogging. It is the very fact that I have mixed feelings that makes me write. I think.

So, thank you for listening and if I don't blog again this week, see you in August. Take care and be kind to yourself. Embrace your kinks and be proud of who you are. I am trying to do that myself.