Thursday, 13 September 2007

How Does It Work?

One thing that has always been obvious to me but is not obviously obvious for everyone is a certain distinction between fantasies and reality. It is about control and the reality I am talking about is not necessarily real reality but anything that involves others.

This was a cryptic beginning. Before I explain what I am getting at there is the inevitable disclaimer. This is how it works for me. It is my blog and I think like this. I am not saying that fantasies in general have to work like this or that other ways of seeing it is wrong. There, please, stay with me and hear me out!

The difference I am talking about is the one that exist between being on your own, in your head and interacting with others, even in the simple way of reading someone else's writing or even watching a film. The important difference that I am talking about is that in your own head you are in full control. That is quite obvious but it has some consequences.

First a reflection about fantasies in general. Many people are perfectly happy with watching Star Wars or reading ghost stories where all kinds of strange things happen. But, when they talk about sexual fantasies, it is about what you want happen and what you want to do – for real, in reality. It is like fantasies are like planning, a stage for playing out what you really want shall happen. Nothing, whatsoever, is wrong with that but it is different for me (I am sure I am not the only one). For me fantasies are like Star Wars, a place where strange things happen, things that are not real, never will be real and never was meant to be real.

And to return to the opening, In my fantasies I am in complete control and that is one thing that makes it impossible for some fantasies to become real. An example, Imagine you have fantasies about a certain rugby team. You have these images in your head of how they tackle you, form a scrum around you and, well, strip you naked and have you in the mud on the playing field. Or something outrageous like that. Kind of exciting, isn't it? This does not, I repeat, not mean that you would ever be comfortable with it happening in real life. This is stating the obvious but bear with me a little while! The important difference between the fantasy and the reality is that in the fantasy you are in control of the team. Everything that they do to you are what you decide they should do. That makes it exciting and not horrible.

This is the reason why you find stories about girls being enslaved and whipped and things like that in my blog. I find it exciting since nothing ever happen to them (or me) that I am not in complete control of.

When reading someone else's story, sharing a fantasy, roleplaying or watching a film you are not in complete control. This means that the rugby team or the slaver are not yours any more. They become something else, a tiny step closer to reality and therefore far more frightening.

This is one of the important reasons for all of you people out there who play with this, who incorporate it into your lives to ensure that there is trust between you. You can't control the whole thing and what may be nice in your imagination may be scary in reality or closer to reality. But if you trust one another then you may be brave enough to relinquish some of that control and still know that you are safe and secure.


Dove said...

Trust is so very important as well as communication you are right. Truly though for any relationship these are key. Handing control over to another isn't easy and no matter the type of relationship the 'top' and 'bottom' have the ideal is for both to have a need satisfied by the exchange.

Then there are some things that are better left as fantasy, unless you are very aware of what you truly want to experience and the fact that it may not be anything like your fantasy. I love Star Wars and would love to be 'in' it but only if I can be Princess Leia...

I'm not sure if that made any sense!

Janice said...

Thank you Dove, it makes perfect sense to me. I think it was that I wanted to say.

I love Star Wars too, at least the old ones. My point was that many people seem to regard sexual fantasies as something that concerns what they, really are going to do or want to do for real while they have no problems accepting the fantastic in other kinds of fiction. Personally, I can't see the point in writing a story about someone playing out a fantasy. It seems like one meta layer too many. Playing out a fantasy in real life is one thing but in fantasy you can pretend to be a slave for real...or be whipped for real.

I don't mind people writing such stories, not at all, it is just that you will not find any of that sort on my blog...smiles.

Ofia said...

I've never thought about it like that. You make a good point.

Maybe I'll start writing down my fantasies....

Janice said...

Thank you ofia. I am happy to hear that you found my blog entry interesting and if what I write can encourage someone to start writing their thoughts and fantasies down then I am immensely happy.

Masquer said...

This is an interesting post, and central to the community of (whatever it is we are). I find most interesting your pointing out the different comfort zones along the fuzzy continuum from "pure" fantasy (in the mind), fantasy on paper (one's own words, or another's), interactive virtual fantasy (online, e.g.) acted-out fantasy (domestic spanking, or S/M parties) and alternative lifestyles. Each point may or may not offer genuine thrills, genuine risks.

Dove said...

Ah, I see what you mean Janice. It is OK to leave Star Wars as fantasy after all there is no way of 'doing it'. So why can't we treat the whipped slave girl in the same manner. It is not something you would ever want and she stays safe in the fantasy. Better?

For me, when I get around to writing, I would incorporate the writing of 'scenes' because there are some so intense they scare me and I am not ready, may not ever be ready or simply do not want to experience them in reality. Yet there can be so much rich emotion to be shared and experienced through that. The relationship through any intense experience is utterly fascinating to me as well as the complex emotions and reasoing behind it all. I could write a scene where I am whipped bloody and would somehow still feel safe because it is within a consensual and controlled environment. The slave girls in the market would be written about too, but I get an overwhelming need to save them because they did not consent to it. I fear I would end up having them carried off by some fierce saviour and it would all turn rather soppy and romantic...with a few hot spankings thrown in for fun.

Still I now understand better what you meant and love reading your stories. Your characters are interesting and you always manage a beautiful gentleness even in the most harsh moments that keeps me reading to the end.


Janice said...

Masquer, I think the most important distinction is between having full control or relinquishing some of that control, at least for my blog post.

Dear Dove, I do love your reaction. That you want to save the slave girls and everything would be quite soppy and romantic. I am exactly the same and it is, really, my point, that if I am in control I can find it exciting to be such a slave girl but when I am not then I feel pity for her and want to set her free.