Wednesday, 11 November 2009


I have been blogging about my fantasies for almost three years now. I have dared to write about my own, sometimes, silly preferences and desires. I have almost only been met with acceptance, tolerance and enthusiasm. This is a true blessing, to realise that what I fancy, what I am ashamed of admitting I fancy, actually are things that you readers either accept or even like.

This grace makes me happy and it makes me more prone to accepting others, to be less judgemental about what others enjoy and prefer. I don't think I was very judgemental before but the generosity and acceptance I have received have only gone to strengthen this stance.

I have tried to be honest, as far as I am able. And this leads to a dilemma. Fantasies are about what we fancy, what we want and desire, maybe even what we fear and loathe. They evoke powerful emotions, strong feelings and overwhelming desires. This means that negative feelings are as prominent as positive ones.

What I am talking about is that when we move in the land of fantasies and when we share we are bound to come across themes that are as powerfully repulsive as other are desirable. One persons turn on may be the other's turn off.

It is not always easy to only write about the positive and never mention the negative. I have avoided that just because I don't want to be judgemental or seen as being judgemental.

I haven't talked about my dislike for high heels and how rubber suits are at best silly and at worst a real turn off for me. I haven't told you that dressing sexy is more likely to be a body hugging short black dress than a pair of high heel leather boots and latex top with a pierced belly button.

Don't get me wrong here. I have no problem with people who fancy crotchless rubber suits, or pony tails sticking out from their bottoms. I don't fancy it myself but I do understand that some people do, and I understand that they like it as much as I like the thought of being undressed against my will (chuckles) by a powerful and handsome stranger.

It is just that I sometimes question my honesty when I avoid talking about my dislikes out of fear of alienating absolutely lovely people who may have a kink I find to be a turn off.

I will try to say this as clearly as I can. I have no problems with kinks and fantasies I don't like. I am more than happy to talk about fantasies for fantasies sake with you, even if you imagine I am dressed in rubber from head to toe, while doing it. I love to talk about fantasies, good or bad.

And to be perfectly honest, I don't know why I am writing this blogpost. I guess it is because I want to be honest, maybe even write about my dislikes but I don't want to be judgemental. I suppose there is no getting away from it. When you write something down it gets a kind of authority I sometimes find a little intimidating.

I still think you are the best readers I could ever have imagined.


Joanna said...

Janice - I know what you mean - I share your turn-offs almost to the letter. But these are your stories and you can like and dislike what you want, and if someone gets offended that you don't like x,y, and z, there are plenty of other sites they can go to! I personally would love stories where the girl struggles to decide why somethings turn her on and some don't - it makes her have to face her "kink" and figure out how to live with it.

If all else fails, link back to this post at the beginning of your story to give the (potentially offended)reader perspective.


Manorlord said...

Janice --

I think you are very like the rest of us -- you write about what intrigues and draws you in (even if the subject is frightening, creepy, embarrassing, whatever). You explore variations on these themes to please yourself and indulge your creative side.

I doubt that any of us is, sexually, completely omnivorous (so to speak). We have limits, defined not only by what repels or revolts us, but by what merely leaves us cold.

Anyone who has read your blog faithfully (like your humble servant), or even intermittently, will soon twig to the range of your fantasy world. (That which you are willing to share -- I suspect there is more in the vault, and hope that someday...) Your omission of rubber suits & high heels -- not to mention pony girls and enemas -- clues the reader in. Those seeking latex can easily find it somewhere else.

I remember a young lady who asked me to write a story about her fantasy of having her nylon-stockinged feet tortured. Always the obliging sort, I did my best. She wrote back, full of withering scorn: My tale had put her in pantyhose (gasp!) and spoiled everything!

Warm regards,

Wystan Ephraim

Meta said...

I think it's perfectly acceptable to say that you don't like a certain kink, especially if you're stating your preferences (and maybe even explaining why you don't like something) without judging people who do like it.

It's like talking about anything else, honestly, except that people are naturally more sensitive in this area. But I can say, "I don't like sunny side up eggs. I don't like their texture. But there's nothing inherently wrong with eating eggs, and I don't mind if you eat them." Why can't I do the same with a particular kink?

Paul said...

Janice, for me, you don't need to explain your likes or dislikes, just be what you are.
A unique individual with a strange imagination.
In my book, expressing an opinion, if it's done politely and with due regard for feelings, is never bad.
I don't have Wynstan's words, but you get my drift.
Love and warm hugs,

Alan said...


whatever your on/offs are:

They belong to you. I appreciate and value whatever you express and confess in honesty.

Thats the beauty of your writing.
Deeply enjoy it and encourage you to share it totally.

Its touching me in profound ways.

Very best, hugs,


Ollie said...

I read once in a historical romance (incidentally there was a spanking scene in it) a character said to his new wife "There's room for secrets between us, but not lies", and I think there is some sense in this, particularly in regard to what we say over the 'net in response to other's kinks.

It is not dishonesty which prevents some of us from commenting adversely on the kinks we don't share, but politeness. I shy away from sites where folk don't extend this courtesy to others which they would expect towards themselves.

The fact is that our peculiarities are very deep seated, and it's easy to offend, and for the most part the relationships we build over the internet are not the same as those face to face ones, we are often misled into thinking that we know someone better over the 'net because we speak about things which we would not speak about face to face. Couple this with the expressionless nature of typed communication and offence is easily caused.

Recently someone on a forum which I frequent referred to the arousal spectrum going something like this,


Any given activity appears somewhere along it, but the arousal bubble can easily be burst by a tiny thing which sits in the wrong place for us on this line, as is illustrated beautifully by Wystan's pantyhose story.

As to being judgemental about other's kinks, in what is a morally relativistic environment exactly the same arguments we use to justify our own kink will be used by the adherents of the kinks which we find offensive, vile or morally repugnant, and it is this hypocrisy which I for one struggle with, so I get my fictional characters to discuss it for me.

Janice said...

Dear Joanna, I understand what you mean. One challenge is, of course, if you are really submissive, you will find pleasure in obeying someone, even if it means doing something you don't like...strange world we live in...smiles.

Dear Wystan, I guess your example illustrates what I feel or fear. Since fantasies are so personal and important, it may offend people and I don't want to do that. I guess I am too cautious, though.

Dear Meta, I think you are right. I am just too worried about turning people away...thanks for the encouragement.

Dear Paul, I get your drift and I thank you for it...smiles.

Dear Alan, I know you are an open minded person, I fear that not all are like that.

Dear Ollie, very insightful, I think you are right that the Web allows us a certain level of honesty, at least concerning parts of our minds that is hard to get to in real life. I do try not to be judgemental, but I also try not to justify my own kinks. Discuss and explain and analyse, but not justify.



Lea said...

So - no pony play?

Dear Janice - I don't mean to be one of those 'lurkers'! But, yes, I still read you - even when I don't often comment!

Love always,