When fantasies tumble around in your head it is not that easy to see what it is all about. The chaos of them, sometimes, reflects the chaos in life and how complex life can be. I firmly believe that fantasies are about more than just sex and arousal. I think that sometimes there are more important things at stake. I am not saying sex is not important, only that sometimes other things can be as important and even more important.
Being Janice allows me to explore things about me that is different from my real self. Janice is far less proud and stubborn than I am. When faced with an accusation about having done something wrong or faced with some unpleasant fact about her Janice is less inclined to protest and fight to keep face than I am. I would say, 'but...' and try to come up with an explanation or perhaps deny it all while Janice would say, 'yes, that is true, I did that'.
To admit that you indeed did hurt someone, forgot something or just behave in some certain way is sometimes very hard. To be able to admit and face the consequences is something great and scary but it is also immensely brave and something that is really good. This is almost trivial to state, everyone knows that. What I was thinking of is the way that this enters into my fantasies.
There is a common pattern in spanking fantasies that is about doing wrong, having to face up to it, admitting it is true and then being punished for it. I know I have claimed that it is less so in many of my fantasies but the pattern is still there (more than I care to acknowledge) and it is there in many other people's fantasies. When I have been confronted with this in the fantasy world I have felt a certain thrill, not so much at the upcoming punishment but at the admitting of guilt or wrongdoing.
Here is the subtlety, it is something immensely exciting about not protesting and dodging responsibility and saying yes to whatever comes in your way, to say, 'yes, I hurt you', 'yes, I was wrong', 'yes I do have that habit'. It is not, necessarily, about submitting to someone who will guide you and correct you and make you a better person. The thrill, the excitement lies in the facing up to reality and taking the consequences. There is a subtle difference between acting like a child and allowing someone to correct your bad behaviour and just, simply admitting to who you are and taking the consequences of that.
So what about the spanking? Does is symbolise the consequences? Perhaps it does. It might be that the pattern of wrongdoing, guilt, admission and punishment is such a well known pattern that it just happens to be a spanking that is the consequence. Perhaps the consequence is painful, having to see that yes, indeed, I did hurt that person or I am not perfect, I make silly mistakes.
And I am not claiming that I have analysed the whole matter of spanking fantasies. I only wanted to talk about that thrill I sense within my fantasies that I believe is about something that is genuinely positive and that not necessarily is sexual in nature.