Does it ever happen to you, Dear Reader, that you see something, hear something that is really objectionable, even revolting, something you think is wrong and bad but still it makes you excited, even aroused? When this happen it is hard to get your head around it. You disapporove of it, think it is bad and wrong and nothing that should ever happen to anyone, still it is something that creates that little tingle within you. I know there are mature people around who have no problem with this, who realise that it triggers a fantasy, something that symbolises something meaningful for you and is valuable just for that reason, people who are able to pull out the positive side of it and distinguish between its value as a fantasy and the reality that is, simply, bad. I still feel guilty about being excited by some scenes in films and books and such things.
There is a scene in the the brilliant film A Clockwork Orange, by Stanley Kubrick, based on the novel by Anthony Burgess, that has that effect on me. The scene begins with Rossini's The Thieving Magpie while the camera pans down on a gruesome scene. A gang of brutes has captured a woman and are intent on having some fun with her. She struggles but in vain. The men gradually strips her and then proceeds to carry her to a place where they, without doubt, are going to rape her. The rape is interrupted by the entrance of the main protagonist, Alex, and his gang and the scene ends in a great battle between the gangs. The poor naked girl is able to escape. Alex saves her from her ordeal but there is no hint of him appearing on stage to do that. That is just a side effect of it all.
There is something in that scene and especially the beginning that struck a chord within me. The girl is devastated, she is struggling to keep her assailants away but they are stronger. For them it is just some fun, they are laughing and are having a good time. She is far from that. She is in tears, she is about to be raped, her worst fear is going to become reality and the gang is just laughing. She pushes them away but they keep coming back, holding her, gradually stripping her of her clothes.
The contrast between the clothed, laughing gang and the devastated, and naked girl is brutal and degrading but there is something in this scene that created this unwelcome sensation of excitement and arousal. Against my will I had to admit that I found the scene sexy.
After a while I began to come to terms with the scene and accept that there is a difference between fantasy and the grim reality a rape is. I still think the scene is exciting and I still feel a little guilty about it but I have to admit that it triggered a lot of fantasies in my mind.
I wouldn't mind getting some comments on this. Have anything similar happened to you? I am sure it has.