One thing I think a lot about is how my fantasies relate to my reality, or in what way they should relate to my reality. A great many people see their fantasies as an extension of their real life, things they fantasise about are things they are planning for or want for real. In one sense it has to be like that. What I fancy in my mind has to come from my desires and wants to some extent or fears that needs to be addressed. They come from me and I am real and so they relate to reality.
On the other hand it is a great thing that what happens in your mind does not always become reality. You can express anger and even hate but you don't have to act upon it. You don't have to go killing someone just because you have fantasies about that. Those thoughts may come from great anger and fantasies may function as an outlet rather than as a planning stage.
Fantasies, wild and strange, are an inspiration for stories and daydreaming and that is something I enjoy. In fact I have come to realise that the thought of having to realise my fantasies hampers the free flow of thoughts. If I let my mind be thrilled with the thought of a cruel whip or something a little more brutal it scares me if that has to become reality. I then try to control my fantasies to include only doable and nice things. That is not very good.
At the moment I think I prefer to have reality, boring and ordinary, in one place and wild and strange fantasies in another. And enjoy the free flow of thoughts.
6 comments:
Do you ever have dreams when you sleep that partially include some of the fantasies you think about when you are awake?
This is the wisdom of someone who has something to lose. I also like the idea that sublimation is itself a kind of liberation.
No, Simon, I don't often have that sort of dreams. I dream, sometimes, that I am found out, that someone finds my sketchbook or something like that.
Don't we all have something to lose, Lothar? I don't really understand what wisdom someone has that has something to lose. I find your comment immensely intriguing but I don't understand it. And how did I say that sublimation is a kind of liberation? I would really like to hear from you.
Janice,
Yes fantasies are strange. I feel quite safe with them on one level because I know that they are only fantasy, and won't ever be realised etc, but at the same time there is a tiny bit of me which says " But you really like this don't you? If this WERE real that would be good wouldn't it?"
This disturbs me in that I know that the inner voice speaks true, and that the fantasy has to come from somewhere within, and that it is therefore a part of me - perhaps a distateful part, but it cannot be disregarded as being external or other.
Maybe we think too much.
opb
Dear opb,
How true you speak. Fantasies cannot be disregarded, they are, indeed, a part of us. Maybe that is why I am blogging, to come to terms with them. But some are clearly not for realising, that you have to admit. But some may be realised and that is frightening sometimes.
My point is (and maybe I am just fooling myself) that fantasies are real and point to true desires, but like dreams they are true only in a symbolic way. That the realisation of, say, a spanking fantasy may not, by necessity, mean being spanked (or spank) but may be something different, something that the fantasy points to but is not similar in form.
Maybe we are thinking too much. One thing, though, I am not sure I feel it would be great if they were true, my fantasies scare me, just because they are about things I don't want to experience. That is the great weirdness of it.
Janice
It seems to me self evident that some fantasies may be so dark that even the contemplation of realising them is an impossibility and they must remain fantasy.
Other fantasies are, of course, quite possible to realise. My experience is that when we come to realise, or attempt to realise, fantasies, they either blossom gloriously or descend into disappointment. For me the realisation has almost always been a glorious blossoming but I certainly recognise that disappointment is a very real possibility.
You have correctly identified me as a spanker Dom in another thread and my fantasies are straightforward ones to do with spanking. They are therefore much easier to to realise. The first time, or the first time with a new partner, is always when the possibility of disappointment is greatest. That must, I feel, be even more the case with the spankee sub [female].
So, from my point of view and for my fantasies, it is a choice between keeping the fantasy at the fantasy level or risking disappointment by trying to realise the fantasy and achieving a glorious blossoming. Clearly it all depends on one's life view and psychological make up. I've always been a risk taker so I "go for it" and suffer or enjoy the consequences.
I have no problem at all with those who are content to remain with the fantasy and eschew the risk element. They may well be "right" [although there is probably not a "right" or "wrong" in this context] and they are certainly more "sensible".
Another fascinating thread, Janice, thank you very much.
Philip xx
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