I will start with a disclaimer. Remember when you read this, that it is just me and just now! I am not saying anything about fantasies in general or what I think is good or bad or anything. This is just how I feel...now.
I get feed up with myself and my fantasies at times. I look at them and see pain and humiliation and bad things. It strikes me in the face sometimes and it hurts. I can't turn away from it since it is me, my fantasies, my imagination but it hurts.
Then I want to go back, to visit each and every scene in the cinema of my head and do it right. I want to throw down all the whips and canes and break them and shout out loud that there will be no more whippings. I want to untie all the ropes and unshackle all the shackles and set free all the slaves and captives and...and myself. I will tell them, us, to dress and go somewhere and cuddle with someone they love. I want to touch all the bruises and caress away all he pain and humiliation. Then I want people, myself, everyone to be loved and love. Not to hurt and degrade and cause pain.
I know, it is all fantasy, it is not about bad things. It is about love and trust and all that is good. I know that. I really, understand that. But sometimes the images, the themes, the events in my imagination seems so brutal, so full of pain and humiliation that I wonder how it can be. How is it possible to have that in your head.